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  • Writer's pictureLisa Lanzetta

Staying in Your Own Lane: How Boundaries Help You Avoid the Triangle of Disempowerment

"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection."

-Bhagavad Gita

Boundaries are essential for maintaining our sense of self, especially for those in recovery. Learning to "stay in your own lane" is about setting limits that protect our energy and well-being. It's not about shutting people out, but rather about defining what is ours to own and what isn't. This is particularly crucial for those who identify as empaths or those who often absorb the emotions and energies of others.


In this blog, I'll explore how boundaries can keep us out of the triangle of disempowerment, share a personal story, and offer tools to help you maintain your own sense of direction and energy.


Understanding the Triangle of Disempowerment

The triangle of disempowerment, also known as the drama triangle, involves three roles: the victim, the rescuer, and the persecutor. These roles create cycles of conflict and confusion, leading to a loss of personal power and clarity. When we're unclear about our boundaries, we can easily find ourselves shifting between these roles without even realizing it.


A Personal Story: Discovering Boundaries as an Empath

As an empath, I often felt overwhelmed by the emotions and energies of others. I assumed everyone experienced the world the same way I did. But I was wrong. It took someone skilled in the art of recognizing empaths to help me understand my unique wiring.


I used to say "yes" to almost everything, believing it was a way to be kind and supportive. But this habit led me down a path where I lost sight of my own needs and desires. Here's an example:


One day, a friend invited me to get my nails done. I didn't really want to go, but I felt her excitement and assumed it was mine. I said "yes" without considering whether it aligned with my preferences. Soon, I was caught in her energy, following her lead. This happened over and over, and before long, I felt completely disconnected from my own interests.


Multiply that experience ten times a day, then multiply that by ten years, and it's no surprise I was feeling lost and resentful. Saying "yes" when I should have said "no" placed me in the victim role, where I felt powerless to control my own life.


Breaking Free from the Triangle

To break free from the triangle of disempowerment, we must establish clear boundaries. Saying "no" doesn't make us rude; it protects us from becoming entangled in others' journeys at the expense of our own. By staying in our own lane, we can focus on what truly matters to us and avoid resentment, anxiety, and burnout.


Tools for Staying in Your Own Lane

Here are a few tools that helped me stay in my own lane and maintain healthy boundaries:


1. Practice Self-Awareness: Take time to understand your own desires, values, and boundaries. Journaling or mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your feelings.


2. Use Clear Communication: When someone asks you to do something, take a moment to check in with yourself. If it doesn't align with your interests, politely say, "No, thank you."


3. Establish Grounding Rituals: As an empath, grounding practices can help you stay centered in your own energy. Try meditation, deep breathing, or spending time in nature.


4. Seek Support: If you're struggling with boundaries, consider working with a shaman, therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate the challenges of setting limits and staying in your own lane.


Conclusion

Staying in your own lane is a powerful way to maintain your sense of self and avoid the traps of the triangle of disempowerment. By setting clear boundaries and practicing self-awareness, you can reclaim your power and create a path that aligns with your true self. Remember, it's okay to say "no" and prioritize your own well-being. You deserve it.

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